A charismatic person

You know, I have read a few motivational books, thanks to my mom who owns cabinet full of them. And here's one that I read about a year ago, and I came across it again today, at my mom's office. It's from the book, Winning People by John Maxwell.

When talking about charisma, it all boils down to this : The person without charisma walks into a group and says, "Here I am!". The person with charisma walks into a group and says, "There you are."

Can You Play Any Music Instrument?

Whenever I meet a hot guy, I'd be really interested initially. And then, I'd pop the question.

"Can you play any music instrument?" I'd ask.
And the guy always, ALWAYS reply, "Yeah, a bit. A bit piano, a bit guitar".

And now, what does A BIT mean?!?! I mean, if you consider playing Mary Had A Little Lamb a bit, then you might just as well tell me you CANNOT PLAY AT ALL mah. Why MUST LEAD ME ON. Lead me to fantasizing us playing duets on the piano, compose our songs, exchanging music sheets etc. etc.

And I know most of my guy friends play guitar. But I'm not so interested in guitars, because I can't play guitar for nuts (I'm preserving my precious, soft fingers to hold hands with my first boyfriend after my first kiss HAHAHAHA). And guitars are so common... Honestly, I'd be more impressed if he can play the piano AND guitar. Like Ming Wai. He can sing, play piano, play guitar, straight As student, doctor-to-be, funny, loves to eat, lame, open-minded etc. etc. In fact, I've already booked him to play at my wedding! I love listening to him play and sing.

Just because you can play baa baa black sheep or two songs on the piano, doesn't mean you can play the piano (to me lah, that is). I mean, of course anyone can play the piano, it's just, in my definition of CAN PLAY THE PIANO - it usually means that you can read notes. I don't care that you're not a Maestro or something, just being able to read notes and play almost decently is good enough for me. If you can play A Whole New World or a lil' bit of Maksim's, I'd be pretty impressed already (see, my standards where got impossible)



And don't even get me started on movies. I just think, that not many people share the same tastes in movies like I do. I mean, there are lah, it's just I've not met them, or know them. I don't think I'm passionate about anything except movies... and good actors. If you know and have watched American History X, I'd be very impressed already. If you loved Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Amelie or Fight Club, then I'm seriously very impressed. After watching every good movie, I'd checkup on IMDB for the trivias, the actors' biographies, and the writers. That's how much I love movies. I seriously would love to create a film one day, or write a film, but my parents aren't very supportive of it, so maybe... when I'm retired :)

It's not easy finding someone that shares the same interests actually. So when I do find someone that can play piano decently AND watches the movies that I watch (provided that his other qualities are agreeable as well), it'll be like finding gold, rare and precious :P


And don't tell me that "OPPOSITES ATTRACT", I hate it when people tell me that. It's just silly, we'd all end up trying to change the other person to adopt our likings anyway. Isn't it? I'm seriously more interested in finding our common interests instead of our differences. If we're opposites, what's much to talk about then hah? In the long run, you'd be so different that you drive me up the wall.

Weight Gain

I've gained weight. And apparently, it's very apparent. Despite lots of jokes I made myself about my weight, I'm not okay with it. It's stupid really, I'd laugh at my own flaws but deep down, I'm really serious and bothered by it. I'd make jokes like, "WOW, my mom fed me so well" or "WOW, more junk more to grab" and with a Cheshire-cat grin on my silly face.


I was wearing shorts the other day, walking around Cineleisure casually, when my mom commented that my thights GOT SO MUCH FATTER. Bloody hell, must tell me in public wan lah! And I felt so self-conscious after that. You see, as long as my clothes still fit, I am blind towards the excess baggage I've put on.


Well, that is until I step on the weighing machine or have someone else commenting on it. Kah Jun was the first person that commented on my weight gain, hahaha and for that, I'm a bit thankful. Otherwise, I would've eaten my way to obesity and still not be aware that I've gained weight.

That's Kelly, by the pool.

So yeah, ever since, I've tried to control my diet and start exercising. Okay, my diet plan failed. I still eat, but now I exercise. And I don't know to be thankful or what lah, but I gain and lose weight easily. So once I start exercising, I can really feel the difference. I've been running up and down the stairs, though it doesn't help much. I've been doing some yoga (Barbara Currie's DVD), and I can really feel the difference. I still miss running on the threadmill. I HATE going outdoors, I avoid outdoors a lot, I hate the sun, I hate the people leering or staring at me, I hate being so... exposed to public. So I'm currently bugging my parents to get me a threadmill - my chances of getting one is slim.




I hate being so... pudgy and chubby. It really kills my 'sexy', you know? It really shows that I've not been taking care of my diet and my body. It's just, I study better while munching on something. I swear. I feel more alert and focus when I chew on something solid (and dry and sweet and usually very fattening) while memorizing something. I keep telling myself I'll let myself eat all that I want and then lose the fats after SPM, but I'm not willing to go that far.


Sigh, gonna save up to buy a threadmill for myself, that's all I need. And maybe healthy food, like fruits and vege, they're pretty expensive. At the mean time, just, normal yoga and try to cut down on fatty food.

PS : My gym membership ended months ago. THAT IS WHY, I'M GROWING FATTER.

Ciggarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT". - Dave Barry

If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. - Tom Hanks

Friends

EI am very selective when it comes to friends. I have many guy friends that I'm close to. I love spending time with both guys and girls, both genders have so much to offer. But at the end of the day, it's not the gender that I pay much thought about, it's how we click. I do treat guys and girls differently.

With girls, well, I tend to express my emotions more. And I don't mind leaning my head on their shoulders and all, and some girls like to spank me (my butt so irresistible, yeah). We'll gossip, we'll bitch, we'll talk about fashion/boys/our emotions a lot and we have lots of girly fun! We share clothes, we share our experiences, we plan our long-term goals together etc. I really enjoy girls' company actually, it's so fun and free.

Me and Kelly.

With guys, mostly it's just joking, talking and eating. I do not touch guys, there's always a polite distance between me and my guy friends. I admit that from other people's point of view, it looks like me and guy friends are dating, but we are not. We are really just platonic friends. My dad doesn't like that I hang out with guys a lot, especially during midnight. My mom isn't too worried about me hanging out with guys so much, I don't do drugs, sex, alcohol etc. Basically, things that I know I shouldn't do. I am vain with a good cause. I think too highly of myself, so much so that I would not risk ruining myself.

TT makes me laugh too much.

Anyway, problem with girl friends is... they get competitive. And when all of us are PMS-ing, it's almost deadly. When I succeed, or when good things happen to me, girls are less likely to be happy for me. They'll get envious and get competitive. And another thing is, I hate being compared to my girl friends. Girls are bitchy and insecure by nature, it's just a matter of how vocal you are about it, and to what extent. I can be very bitchy I won't deny, but I TRY NOT TO. And girls are sensitive creatures, we are easily offended and easily hurt.

And my personal problem with guy friends is, some of them have girlfriends. When I hang out with them, their girlfriends would get jealous and accuse me of trying to 'steal' their boyfriends away. TSK TSK I feel insulted actually, I am not like that wan lorh. Hah, insecure people. It's hard to imagine myself being so insecure and jealous, cos' now that I'm emotionally unattached, I don't think I'll be THAT insecure. Easier said than done, I know. But then again, I really don't wanna be like that, I hope I won't be like that. It's pretty pathetic, and I don't wanna be pathetic.

Me, Hui Qian and Kelly.

But I don't know lah, never been in a relationship. I think it'll be ironic that I end up being the MOST insecure girlfriend on earth. Which I highly doubt right now anyway. Okay lah, maybe it's due to my ego as well, I'm very self-assured, so I will always think that I'm better than the girls my boyfriend chooses to hang out with. HAHAHAHA EGO EGO, it's good sometimes. Otherwise, well, I can hang out with hot guy friends too! I know, I know, I make a terrible girlfriend, I've been told since young =.=

Maybe I should have an agreement with my boyfriend before getting together, something like a pre-nup. He MUST let me hang out with my guy friends and I will let him hang out with his girl friends. I hate jealous, possessive and insecure guys, such a turn off. UGH. Isn't it so damn boring to only talk to one person all the time? Text and call the same person every single day. Report everything you're doing. Everything you do just revolves around that person, it's OUR LIVES instead of MY LIFE and YOUR LIFE. Doesn't sound very appealing to me. What about your friends?

It pisses me off that when my friends get boyfriends/girlfriends, they'll ditch me to hang out with their partners. Then when they break up, they'll come running back to me. WHAT IS THIS MAN! It happens a lot to me, and it pisses me off all the time.

Skipped school and ended up cooking a horrible lunch at Aaron's house.

And, and, and, I get sick of someone too quickly. At the beginning, it'll be really interesting and exciting, but as things get so predictable and lame, I'll get sick of the guy. The banality of a "normal" relationship is intolerable. Feels so forced to like someone after a while. TT said I only like the chase. When I like a guy, I always dream of making him mine. But when that dream actually comes true (when the guy returns my feelings), I'll freak out and then my feelings for him just fade away. So right now, I'm just waiting for someone who won't make me freak out and run away, someone whom I will never get bored of.

I think the reason why I get along so well with (some) guys... maybe because they remind me of my brothers. The familiarity. I think I've also adopted a bit of my brothers' habits and way of thinking. And that could also be why I hate to cry and am afraid to cry in front of people (unless it's crying on command), and I cannot stand people who cry over the littlest things.

There's something very romantic and nostalgic about swimming in the late evening.

I might not be the best friend ever, might not be the nicest/most patient friend ever as well, but I think I'm pretty alright. As they say, birds of the same feathers flock together, most of my friends and I are pretty alike. The ones that I really, really click with are usually as tall as me, as vain as me, as commitment-phobic as me and as innocent as me. I have friends who smoke and are promiscuous, but I don't see them often. I don't think I'm easily influenced by friends, but I think I influence them easily.

And one thing I cannot stand is, fighting and arguing. It's really immature, in my opinion. Especially about stupid things. If you want to pick a fight, well, don't find me. I hate arguing, and I will walk away. It's fine if you have your own opinions, I have mine too. Don't need to force your opinions on me, I can't stand it. I don't think I fight with friends (very hardly), usually I just stay quiet and ignore that person. When I'm angry and annoyed with someone, I try not to take it out on them, I'll just ignore them for a while. And I'm extremely irritable, so... next time when I deliberately ignore you, you know why.

Me and the two girls.

I wanted to say something else, but I forgot what it was. And do pardon the grammatical errors, my English has not been smooth-flowing lately. I said "bleeded" instead of "bled".

My messy sanctuary

I love my room, and I'm almost always in my room. I don't know why some families don't lock their room doors (Tik Tsin), but my room door is locked ALL THE TIME. I have issues with people trying to invade my privacy. And don't you think it's liberating to be able to walk around your room naked? HAHAHAHA it's very liberating.

Last year, my room was new and blank.

I chose the blue because my parents won't let me get turqoise or striking colours.

Then I had my bed.

And soon, everything just fell into place. You can see my room a year ago here.

This is my book shelves, I need to get a new one, cos' some of it broke.

This is the view from my lovely bed.

My very messy dressing table.

This is a small section of my book shelves :)

My DVD collection, Josh Hartnett, Picture with my friends and few little stuffed toys, and the stem of a flower this hot guy got me. HAHAHA my life seems perfect!

My heels, my weird toes and blisters from wearing heels.

My messy bed. I don't really have the habit of making my bed.

Every fat girl has a stash of candies! Mine's right beside my bed!

Dumbbell collecting dust under the bed.

I just like taking pictures of my room. It's just so beautiful, I need to capture it. Lots of memories in there, nights on the phone with friends, sleepovers, homework etc. I've never regretted moving to BU. I do get dreams about my old neighbourhood and my old house, but I don't miss it. I only miss the convenience of seeing my good friends, and my childhood friends.

Here in BU, I have friends that stay nearby. I can just walk over/cycle over to Sam's house. Yesterday, I went over to Sam's house to play wii. Then we started karaoke-ing, it's a battle, it's really funny. I don't sing well, but I sing anyway. I don't think I'll have fun if I cared what people think about my singing. Aaron joined us later. HAHAHA I think Sam's a pretty good singer, honestly. Aaron... sucks. HAHAHA jk jk.

It's this kinda fun that I'm talking about. You can go and have fun without worrying about convenience or transportation. Last Saturday, we had a small mooncake's festival thingamajiggy within our neighbourhood. I honestly thought everyone forgotten about mooncake's festival. And then Aaron called, I was glad. I was telling him about having BBQ for mooncake's festival since months ago, and I though he forgot. Anyway, it wasn't anything fancy, but it's... quite fun. 17 year olds playing candles and lanterns.

Candles on a tree.

Sam, Yee Peng, Kah Jun, Aaron and Yi Han :)

All sweaty and stinky. HAHAHAHA.

Yes, about the studying part... it's not really working out very well. I am always so distracted, I'll try my best though.

teehee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild~

Graduation

Today's graduation ceremony is a very sad one for me. I see best friends who know each other for years camwhoring and talking and having fun... it makes me sad that I don't have that. That sense of belonging, I just don't really feel it very much. I have few good friends in school, but they have their BEST friends you know. I've known them only for months, and they've known each other for years. Years of friendship beat months.

The five tallest girls in class : Hui Qian, Chui San, Me, Pin Yeen and Yee Peng. Yee Peng has a nice, genuine smile :)

I long for that... 'unspoken bond' between friends. Like, you and your best friends see each other, and things just feel so right to just be around each other? As long as they are around, you never feel out of place? I don't have that in school, I mean it's not like they're not treating me well, it's just when they're with their best friends, I just feel so out of place.

So yeah, school is like that for me. I'm close to my school friends during school days. But during holidays, I... just don't feel that close to them anymore. It's really my fault, I am kinda emotionally detached from people. I just don't know what to do or how to be a good friend/best friend. Kelly has been a very good friend to me. Kinda annoying sometimes, but still... I appreciate it. She calls me when I'm down, and gives me a pen for no reason. It's small, simple gestures that touch my heart tsk tsk :)

So yeah, I think that's why I don't like school. I think the only thing that's fun about school is the people you meet, and friends you make. I constantly feel out of place and bored when I'm at school, it's that feeling of awkwardness and fear of being rejected by friends that keep me wanting to stay in my own comfort zone - at home, or out with other friends. Anywhere but school.

I am ecstatic to leave school, can't wait. But I just wished school won't end like that for me. After SPM, they still have prom to look good and have fun and see each other again for one final time. But me? I can't go to prom. And I had to leave so early and abruptly today as well. So yeah, anything related to school that is fun, I won't be there :(

I wanted to take pictures with Zack, Yee Peng and Kah Jun... who are all these people?! hahaha jkjk.

from left : Darryl, Chui San, kah Jun, Hui Qian, Kelly, Yee Peng, me, Jason, Zack and Timo.

Hiatus

I won't be coming online a lot. Just maybe, a few times a week to check my mails (expecting important emails), and maybe twitter a bit. Otherwise, I must really focus on my studies and not falter! MUST. MUST. MUST. Must.

Tata :)

My before-getting-serious-for-SPM week

So yeah, I've done pretty little in a week. Nothing productive, but lots of fun :)


Last Thursday :

Right after school, went to watch Gamer with TT. Dinner, drove to SS2, drove back home, went to centrepoint, met Kelly. Kelly and I watched movies, she stayed over, chat a lot.


Last Friday :

Went swimming with Zack, Rowena, Wan Qien, Laks, Kah Jun, Daryl, Peter, and Timo.

huge burger at New York's Deli.

Last Saturday :

Spicy Thai Food at Good Evening Bangkok. Yummy :)

Monday :

Went back to Selayang, met Eugene and Xin Wei. Xin Wei drove us to Mid Valley - only to eat dim sum and then decided we wanna go picnic. So we went to carrefour and bought snacks for our picnic.

Dim Sum :)

(picture from Eugene and Xin Wei) Picnicking at Metropolitan Park, Kepong.

We played kite, fooled around. Xin Wei drove me back home, had some ice-cream at centerpoint.

Wednesday :

Went to KLCC with Sonel, Vina and Jon. Catch up a bit, watched Gamer again :) Logan Lerman <3 Hahaha it was fun.

Sonel!

Dinner with TT at sushi zanmai.

Thursday :

Sheena came over, picked me up, went shopping at one utama. On the way home, Sheena banged a taxi, poor guy can't come out from his terribly dented door. He was nice though, his boss was the asshole.

Alicia bitch long legs XD

Sheena : God gave you boobs and butt, but took away your tummy and legs. God gave me legs and tummy, but took away my boobs and butt.

Friday :

TT's friend Saiful got free passes to Black Eyed Peas concert in conjunction to Arthur's Day celebration at Sunway. I was denied entry at first, I'm few months underaged =.= 4 months to be exact. But then, we went to another line that's not checking our ID. It was... nerve-wrecking, I have a phobia of getting into trouble.

Yeah, concert... is not really my thing. I just don't enjoy standing in a crowd and sweat, and I certainly don't enjoy jumping like lunatics because I can't really appreciate music (hahaha I am not musically inclined sorry =.=) But, but, but I really appreciate it that TT brought me there, and thanks to his friend, Saiful. I mean, I was curious, and it was free, so I would say it's pretty spectacular :)

Not something I would pay for though. I'd pay to watch movie stars, but not really singers. Unless, it's Miley Cyrus or Celine Dion. HAHAHAHA.

Miss Silverpants stole the show.

Me and Soups

Hahaha no pics of TT. Whenever I take pictures with him, we look shitty. HAHAHA. Thanks TT!

*

Yeah, after this week, I must really, really start studying!